Today I wrote my eulogy….

Today I wrote my eulogy. To see all that I have done.   To see what those would say when I was gone. 


I wrote about my sister, who would sorely miss her brothers’ shenanigans.  I wrote about my mentor, who would miss my stupid jokes and us sharing a desk at work.  I wrote about my platoon sergeant, who would miss my antics and terrible jokes.  I wrote about a co-worker who would miss me sniffing him before our shift takes their posts.  I wrote about my friend, who would miss me asking stupid questions about cars as we changed the oil.  I wrote about my soldiers, who would miss the acknowledgement of a shitty situation, but a smile after getting yelled at for an hour because of pants.  I wrote about my mentee, I wrote about my brother who I enlisted with, who, although we are on different paths, we both are happy where we are.  I wrote about one of my best friends, who would miss working on my seemingly never-ending house projects.  I wrote everything down.


When we look at the last year or ten years, we never realize how much of an impact we have.  It is so easy to look at the negative.  The things we haven’t accomplished.  The things we wished we did.  However, we get so wrapped up in these things we forget what is important. 


We spend so much time reflecting on the past, or working towards the future, that we forget what is right in front of us.  


So instead of your life mission, or looking so much at the future, look at your eulogy, and if everything came to halt tomorrow….


What would you want to be remembered for?

It’s okay to not be okay

It’s okay to not be okay….


A few years ago, I walked into my work like any other day.  I sat down at my desk, scrolled through my emails, and began the monotony of another day.  After a little while, I had to visit a coworker.  This coworker was someone who I had only ever said hello to in passing, and the normal smile as we walked by. 


On this day I walked into her office and said hello and then mentioned some paperwork.  As we talked avout the paperwork, her face looked sad, her eyes looked tired, and her mind somewhere else.  As we got past the normal “Good mornings” I looked at her and simply said…


Are you ok?


She paused for a moment, and instead of taking the easy road, like the majority of the population, she said 




And she broke down


Here she was, this woman old enough to be my mother, an experienced professional, opening up to a 20 some odd old kid.  She was worried about her daughter, who was her life and soul.  Her daughter was going off to chase some boy and wasn’t listening to her mother at all.  She opened up to me and tried to come up with a reason, she tried to understand.  


I explained to her that not all kids listen to their parents, and in hindsight, she will probably look back and realize her mother was right.


The average person would have said yes and went on along their day, trying not to burden a someone else, or to just take the easy way out.  But she wasn’t ok.


It is okay to not be okay. We all have our ups and downs, and those good times and the bad.  We all have our demons, our secrets our everything.  It is one thing to sit there and say we are fine.  But in the end, you are just lying to yourself.  Look in the mirror and realize that if you are not okay, its okay. 


No one is perfect, no one is immune from sadness, no one is immune from the treacherous trail we scale and navigate through life.  


It’s okay, to not be okay. 

Happiness is Kinetic

Happiness is Kinetic


We all chase it 

We want happiness

We spend so much of our lives chasing this one goal, that seems to slip through our hands like the sands of time


Happiness is subjective


Nirvana to one is a warm summers day, toes in the sand, not a care in the world 


Nirvana to others is summiting a mountain, in the frigid cold, after weeks of walking


It is so subjective, and it is also Kinetic


As a child we seek the happiness, in the form of Lego blocks and tee-ball


As we grow older it is grades in school, winning a championship


Beyond then is getting a job, buying house, raising a family, starting a business


We are all chasing the same thing, however our end result is different, and ever changing


Today happiness is going for a run, tomorrow making smart financial moves


We all seek it, crave it, and spend our whole lives seeking it


Yet it changes every day and in every which way


Goals are attainable, yet happiness almost seems unattainable


As something so constantly changing, and by the time you reach what you think is your end goal, something new arises 


That taste that is always out of reach, that fruit that we cannot touch, the end result that never tastes as sweet as we expected


Accept that you will achieve goals, but never happiness, because what we seek changes with the times and the weather, and maybe one day we will get a taste, although it may be for a few moments, but a taste of achieving happiness, before it changes into our next goal.  


Complete happiness is unattainable, but moments of nirvana are the best we can do on this crazy ride we call life

Brain Stew

Where do we go to dump our mind…


With the tedious operations of everyday life, the monotony, the trivial pursuits of a 9-5


The work for so many years, the give your life to a corporation or cause that you might not necessarily believe in, but that pads your wallet and keeps your family fed


How many of us forgo the dreams and loves of life, to compromise for the paycheck to maintain order…


 For how many truly realize their dreams.   For how many truly realize their own ambitions and passions. 


For in this everyday life, however normal or chaotic, we all seek to make sense of exactly how we feel. Exactly our emotions.  Exactly how to piece together this never-ending and ever-changing puzzle of life.  


The chaotic conglomerate of thoughts an ideas…..


We all have our own versions of Brain Stew……

Where do dreams go to die?

Where do dreams go to die.

We create, we believe we plan nad we execute

But where do our dreams die


Do they diie in an idea we feel is too outlandish?


Do they die because they weigh too much, stacked upon dealing with our life?


Do they die because instead we choose a pipe, a bottle, something more carnal, a momentary sense of satisfaction?


It is easy to dream, and it is easy for those dreams to die.  


It is hard…

To execute

To put dreams before others

To put dreams before yourself


It is hard to put these momentary feelings of nirvana to the side to achieve a much higher dream.  


Whether 5 or 50, to be Batman or own a business, to lose 50 pounds or to climb Mt. Everest, we all have dreams.


But how easy it is to give in to temptation and complacency and forget these dreams.  


So, do not have dreams….

Have small goals, fight complacency, and after enough small goals, your big goals will be yours.  


-Lil Kevy

When death comes a’knockin

We sit in fear

We sit there in worry

What does tomorrow hold?

What does this next move, next decision make, what does it mean?


Life is a funny thing

Many people feel as if they are not in control

However, we are all in control

We make decisions every day, every moment


We accept lies and truths


We justify our actions to others and ourselves


They say there are three face’s

One is who most people see you as

The second is the face with those whom you hold closest hold you

And lastly is you behind closed doors


Most people will never truly know the true you


Who you are at the darkest hour or brightest light?


Who you are in the bliss of day or the deepest dark of night?


But who you are is controlled by you?


When you are happy or sad, mad or glad, it is controlled by you


On this crazy ride of that we call life, remember that we hold the reigns.  


A year before my grandmother passed, we had a very frank conversation.


At 92 years old, she said she was ready to go.  


As a 24-year-old guy, I understood.  For age is an excuse when it comes to life experience.  Some are 19 and understand this world as a 55-year-old and vice versa.  Age and life experience are two very different things.  


I looked my grandmother back into her eyes, and said I understood.  She has lived her life to the fullest, and for a long time.  She accepted her life


What more can you ask, when death comes knocking?


For when death rings your doorbell after a full life, do you huddle behind a door and pretend it’s not there, or do you open the door, allow it to take a seat, and offer it a cold drink.


We should not fear death, but welcome it when it is our time.  


For one who cannot accept that it is there time, cannot accept the fact that they have not experienced enough.  


This crazy ride we call life, if you were to pass tomorrow, what is your legacy.  What was your life.  What was your mark


If it was no mark, then make one.  


If there was no impact, then strive for one.  


We live but one life, so when the devil comes knocking, today or thirty years from now, make sure you are ready to go, and the book of life you live is one worth reading.  

Why do we escape reality?

Why do we sleep

Why do we drink

Why do we smoke

Why do we binge eat

Why do we sleep around

We do these things, to escape reality. We live so much of our lives hating our own realities.

When you sleep, you sleep to recover, but you sleep to make the time go by. So that maybe when you wake up, your life will be better. Maybe you’ll have a dream or just wake up rested, but you are waking up in your same reality.

When you drink, you skew your own reality. Putting yourself in an altered mental state, it makes you feel better about your current situation. It skews your reality into somehow making it bearable for you, as long as you can maintain a buzz.

Binge eating, sleeping around etc are all things that make you feel good….momentarily. It’s a band-aid on the overall hemorrhaging wound. It does nothing in the long run, and is usually more detrimental to you then successfull.

Why don’t you start today by owning your reality?

Why don’t you start to own your reality everyday?

Get after it

-Lil Kevy